I am home. T is home. R is suffering both physically and mentally, actually suffering discouragement because of his physical limitations at this time. He has not been spared a day of work because of the pandemic and the strain is showing. He does have a high-risk scar tissue problem that is giving him trouble, and he is now pondering taking the risks to have surgery to alleviate the problem.
I am both discouraged and encouraged, grateful and apprehensive.
My days remain busy, my discipline is improving. I have a major contract (for me) to do some ghostwriting. I am immersed in a centennial anniversary project with our Chamber of Commerce, and that is leading to the possibility of more freelance work for them, which would be awesome! I am still freelancing for the SbyInd.
The household is gradually becoming more organized. I do have some guilt feelings about not spending more time on it, but I have so many other things to do.
Before March, I worked outside the home three days a week. Before Jan. 2019, more than a year ago now, I worked full time at a job I loved. When I did take that retirement package, as a last-minute (but the correct move) decision, I had not thought through how I would spend or structure my time. I assumed, wrongly, that I could get hired based on my reputation and experience and skillset, as many other journalists who worked in the dt newsroom have done. Wrong again.
But gradually, I have seen glimmers of hope. I try to picture myself in a full-time work situation and I'm not sure I want that. Perhaps if it comes down to R having to stay home perhaps permanently, or only work a little bit, I would feel better about being the working spouse here.
Or perhaps I could end up building enough freelance revenue to keep us going. I will begin collecting social security in less than a year. We have substantial money set aside, just not enough to feel secure about full retirement. But R being forced to slow down because of physical limitations may be the only way he ever slows down, and certainly would be less a disaster than it would have been 5 or 10 years ago. We are paying off credit card debt. My car is paid for. One credit card remains with a fairly substantial balance that we are focused on eliminating. All those interest payments will be actual savings.
I'm about to finish up some UW paperwork, then check on a letter that needs to be handed over to IPS but is complete. I then will need to go full tilt on the big project, before more SACC work comes due.
And ultimately, I must fit in some work on my personal book project, which has been set aside far too long. And I have a few more masks to make. Perhaps I will make some to take to the Co-op when Liz sets up a table. I have invested in some fabrics that I could use to make masks to sell at the table. I would never sell masks made from fabric that was donated to me, and I am simply waiting to get word from K to make more masks for the postal folks.
And my patio tomatoes are coming along. The one that is ripening fell off the vine this morning, and is now on the kitchen windowsill to ripen slightly more. If nothing else, it could become a fried greenish tomato. Exciting to be growing our own food, even in this limited capacity. Perhaps we can get a raised-bed garden going soon, perhaps even with a greenhouse section. Then we could grow more of our own food.
I despair that we can't seem to get even the simplest home repair completed. I am referencing a window that got a hole in it, probably from a stone thrown up by a lawnmower, two or three years ago. We cannot get the back door area fixed up, replacing portions of supporting joists and getting rid of the slider door in favor of a traditional door, perhaps with sidelights and/or a half window in the door itself. We need to do some remodeling work in both bathrooms, replacing bad floor spots due to water damage (underlayment) and replacing vinyl with tile. Replacing one of the tubs (in master bedroom) with a tile or stone lined stand-up shower. Maybe someday.
So enough with this. I will write more later.
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