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Is this all there is?



One difficulty with this blog is finishing a post. I always seem to get interrupted. A Zoom meeting. Must make dinner. Masks need work. Someone comes in or goes out. Cat needs something.

And yet it gets lonely. I talk to cats more than to people, it seems like. My weekly video chat with L is a highlight. Texting with K is great but don't hear her voice or see her. 

And still I don't have time to get bored.

What a strange world we live in today. Worst pandemic in a century. Almost a century to the year, actually. We should be better equipped to deal with this, and I suppose we are. But we, the mighty USA, are listed as No. 1 for having the most confirmed cases of COVID-19, and yet we are lagging WAY behind other countries in terms of adequate volume of testing. Which raises the question: Just how many cases ARE there in this country? Leadership muses that if we didn't test so MUCH we'd have far fewer cases. Huh? So testing creates cases that would not exist otherwise? I don't think so.

Meanwhile, here I sit. Ocean City opening up partly, and people flocking to the coast, last weekend and surely again this coming weekend, which will be Memorial Day Weekend, and it will surely be one for the record books. Not because of the crowd sizes, but just because of all the weird circumstances. 

So I drink my evening glass of wine, with a frozen lasagna dinner in the oven to share with R. We are fortunate in many ways, but I am still laid off and R is still working frantically 7 days a week, more hours than before. I pray that he does not become infected or ill from it. I wish he could slow down enough that we could enjoy life just a tad. 

I never though retirement would find me terrified to be out and around people for fear of infection by a killer virus. As much as I wish we could beat the thing, or find a way to co-exist without people getting sick and dying, I don't know how I will ever overcome this fear of being around people. 

And to top it all off, yesterday Squeaky the cat, who we just found out days ago is probably battling lung cancer (large mass in one lobe of lung), had a stroke yesterday. At least, that's when we realized something was very wrong. I thought she would only leave the vet's office in a box, but she's back and still breathing, albeit with limited mobility and a bit of general confusion about her. We won't have her much longer. She wasn't the brightest kitty, but she's the sweetest thing. We've had her 10 years now, so she's around 11 years old. 

I dread what is to come on that front. 

I want my life back. I don't want to be laid off. I want to be free to travel some, to see new places, to refresh my soul a bit. 

Not happening anytime soon. Already, the Tawes Clambake, Pony Penning and the Labor Day Skipjack Race are all canceled. 2020: The year that didn't happen. 2020: The year that redefined modern life. 2020: What will that life look like? 

R and I had talked about taking a road trip together sometime this year. Looks like that absolutely will not happen. I hope it does happen, someday. I hope the Lord and Fate and Karma give us the opportunity to have that. 

It's just unfathomable that six short months ago, I was in Scotland with K on the adventure of a lifetime, meeting new family members, seeing and experiencing the Scottish borders, its castles, food, villages and incredibly peaceful and pastoral environment. 

On the other hand, imagine if we didn't have ways to connect to the outside world the way we do, with social media and the ability to access resources, books, news and research. Still, not the way I imagined my retirement would be, even semi-retirement. 

It's been just three months, but they are canceling events all the way through September. So clearly even with soft openings of a few things, we are in this for a long haul. I desperately want this to be over with, but not badly enough to risk my life or that of my family members by going out prematurely. 

And Zoom isn't such a bad thing after all. I'm getting used to it. Tomorrow, creekwatcher sampling returns. 
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