For posterity

It's the year of the pandemic -- 2020, to be precise -- and realizing this is probably going to be some kind of life-changing, society-changing turning point in human history, I have decided to avoid regrets later -- if I survive -- and start keeping a daily record of life during the novel coronavirus pandemic of 2020.

I'm doing this for myself, but if anyone stumbles across this and wants to read, I'm OK with that. Comments are welcome. We are all in this together, although we may disagree about certain aspects of the response. But we are still in it together and one person's decision can have deadly consequences or life-saving consequences for those nearby (and beyond).

I had such high hopes for 2020. I am recovering from a decision to accept an early retirement buyout at the end of 2018. Even though that did turn out to be the right thing to do, as far as I can tell, for reasons having nothing to do with me personally, it was a traumatic decision to end, rather abruptly, my dream career. I was an emotional wreck for much of 2019. I did accept a part-time job, which was a good decision, and even though I am currently (and hopefully temporarily) laid off from that job, I have no regrets in that department.

This year, 2020, is a significant milestone year for me because in February I turned 65. That means I am officially old, a senior citizen, the traditional retirement age. I had come to enjoy working part-time, and also was enjoying my freelancing career with a local weekly publication. That has also dried up, basically, but I hope that's not forever.

I am at this point conflicted about various unexpected turns my life has taken. I regret losing the independence of having an income that was at times equal to or almost equal to my spouse's income (equal if you factor in the fact that it has been my savings that have allowed us to consider retiring for real, although not quite yet). I regret the loss of my presence in the newsroom and my daily adventures there. But I've come to terms with that. Perhaps that is why this new and unexpected turn of events thanks to what is now a global pandemic has overturned my life and newest plans, yet I have not felt it as overt fear, fight or flight reaction.

I am going to limit this blog to what is going on in my own life and home, my community and in general, how the pandemic is changing society. The way the situation has been handled by the federal government is a whole different thing and I do not wish to get into that arena here in this place.

So it's been about 6 weeks since it became evident that the pandemic would inevitably affect our relatively rural region of Maryland. Five weeks since I gathered with fellow parishioners for Sunday Mass, four weeks since attending the only Stations of the Cross I attended this Lent, and four weeks (including the Sunday following that Friday Stations prayer) of watching Mass on YouTube (thank you Fr. Chris for doing that) instead of attending Mass.

It's likewise been weeks (I cannot remember the last day I was at work, exactly) since I worked outside my home.

So I have basically been at home full time, almost 100 percent of the time, for probably five weeks or more. Unlike many people, I have not yet had time to get bored. That's the good news. I've only suffered from despair a few times, moments, not entire days. I really miss seeing people in person.

I have attended many, many virtual meetings in the time since this hit home, and I can say that while I appreciate the ability we have to continue some business via Zoom or Google hangouts or Webex and the like, I do not like it. I do not enjoy virtual meetings. I have blurted out things I should not have because it is easy to forget that sitting in an empty room in front of a computer is not the same as sitting in an empty room. It is rude of me and I deeply regret doing this, and am trying to do better.

I do not like wearing a mask, although I would not think of going anywhere around people without one. I don't like it because they tend to make my glasses fog, and the mask gradually slips down my nose, and I always start feeling tickles and itches under the mask, when I cannot do anything about it. I get anxious when I am around people who are not wearing a mask (except at home) and I get anxious when I get too close to people who are wearing one.

I have become engaged in 2 projects, more or less. One is making masks to donate to people who need them. This led to extreme frustration with my cheap-o sewing machine. I am borrowing one as of tomorrow until I can find one to purchase.

The other is a long-delayed book based on my own family history, which involves origins in Yorkshire, England, and journals my father left behind chronicling his daily life between 1930 and 1942. Those will be cropping up often.

My most frequent destination these days when I do venture out is the landfill. I have only entered a grocery store twice in the past month. Most of my groceries arrive via home delivery or curbside pickup. You couldn't pay me enough to walk into a Walmart, even if you didn't have to stand in line for what looks like a very long time just to get in (because of restrictions on the number of customers who are allowed to be inside a store in our city, based on square footage. It's kind of unfortunate that I am so uncomfortable (maybe fortunate if I stay healthy, though) because I could get things there that I need.

As of today, our enclosed mall is closed until this is over, and will remain so until it's safe to venture back out around people. Within the city limits, "nonessential" stores are closed for the duration of the pandemic, including Michaels, which is a crafts store where I might otherwise be able to purchase a new sewing machine, new sewing machine needles, thread and more. Walmart also has these things, but as I said, not going inside there for a long time. Pet food store is still open but carefully curated, and offering a discount if you take advantage of curbside pickup rather than going inside. Smart. Petsmart.

I promise future posts will not be nearly so long. It's Sunday and everyone else in the house is napping. I think I may pick up a crochet project and try to relax. A loaner sewing machine is coming tomorrow so I'll be back to trying to assemble masks.